For me…tonight…the first choice is the winner.
I worked on several projects literally ALL DAY, and I began to feel 100% destroyed and defeated.
Joy is part of the name of my team. I’m thinking I typed the word COMPLETELY out of me. I know that is probably the stupidest thing anyone has ever read, written, or heard. But seriously. I feel like my joy is gone and depression has sunk in. It is really maddening because I have come SO FAR in my mental health since diving deeper in my Faith. Ugh.
I have listened to a podcast that usually lifts me up. I am way far behind but am listening to it from the beginning because it is SO GOOD, so ironically enough, the episode I listened to today was about being “Soul Tired”
Of course it was! 🙄🙄 Isn’t it funny how God’s timing it always so good. Yall, I was almost in tears when I started typing this blog post. I was feeling so…heavy. Defeated. Lost. Why am I feeling this yucky again after all this time? I had literally tried all the things and I could NOT get this funk to go away. I kept feeling like I needed to write on my blog. I didn’t want to come type out my feelings so everyone can judge me— LOL, excuse me, what? Since WHEN have I cared about THAT before? Never?? HAH.
Just typing all this out and telling you all about God’s timing just now felt like a warm hug. Now I know that I am supposed to share this with YOU. Do you feel defeated? Do you feel at the end of your ROPE? Has depression snuck in and you feel like there’s no way out. Guys, I was literally starting to get there again until I started writing. See, we have to tell the enemy to KICK ROCKS!!
Jesus came to earth, died on the cross, ascended into Heaven and some time later, the Holy Spirit came down and was able to fill us UP with the SPIRIT!! What are the fruits of the spirit? Are they anxiety, worry, depression, anger? NO! God ain’t giving us ROTTEN FRUIT!?!!?!!!! GOD’S FRUITS are positive vibes only, yall. They are PEACE and LOVE and JOY and SELF-CONTROL among a bunch of others.
So quite literally we are FILLED with these HAPPY and POSITIVE emotions as soon as we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That’s because of the Holy Spirit, guys. Do you know what is NOT from the Holy Spirit? Do you know what the TRUE rotten fruit is? They’re satan’s “presents.” The unwanted socks. Like the scratchy wool socks your weird great aunt gives all the kids for Christmas. That’s what satan gives you. Scratchy wool socks that bring you MISERY! John 10:10 tells us that the thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. LOVE, PEACE and JOY are NOT the root of evil. Love, peace and joy do not destroy. God is not a thief. He is preparing a place for YOU. Satan is trying to STEAL it. Sister, Brother, please pay attention. God CHOSE YOU FIRST. Satan is like the bully eyeing your PBJ from across the cafeteria. He wants what he cant have because he’s a selfish little devil. Literally.
John 15:16 says, ” You did not choose me, but I CHOSE YOU and APPOINTED YOU that you should go and BEAR FRUIT and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may GIVE it to you.” He CHOSE YOU. He gave you and me decadent, fresh fruit in the form of the Fruits of the Spirit. Not rotten gross fruit that has been bitten off, spat out on the ground and then stomped on. Then He APPOINTED YOU to go SHARE your FRESH FRUITS with OTHERS. Let the world know that you realize this world is dark, and scary and evil. God knew it would be, was and is. That’s why He sent down Jesus and then the Holy Spirit. So we could have ALL the fruits of the Spirit. This way we can stand OUT against the enemy. And then, whatever you ask, HE will GIVE. Wow guys. Are you getting this?!? The creator of the entire universe. The very same God that made the oceans, the mountains, the trees, the elephants, the ecosystem as a whole, like, literally the maker of HEAVEN and EARTH also made you. That’s right. He took time out of making EVERYTHING else and He CHOSE to make YOU, my darling friend. He even goes a step further by saying, just share my love for YOU with all the other people. Let your fruit seeds grow, My child, and I will give you anything you ask.
Wow. We are so undeserving.
That was SO healing to me. I hope it was for you as well. God is so good.
Will you pray with me?
Thank you for the healing you did in my heart just in the past 30 minutes, God. I thank you for turning my attention to my blog so I could write my heart with. I didn’t want to God. I wanted to wallow in my misery put there by the devil. I was going to let him have a little victory over me tonight, and I thank you so much for the strength to ignore him but instead to listen to You. God I know this blog isn’t all about me. I know there are others who struggle with depression and anxiety and many other mental health disorders. God, you are bigger than ANY diagnosis. You brought people back from the dead, you healed paralytics and lepers. Swapping a few wires around in our brains is NOTHING to YOU! I pray that those who need to hear these words from You, God, will find them in Your timely manner. We thank you, we love you.
In Jesus’ sweet and Holy Name,
If you struggle with mental health, please please please reach out to SOMEONE. Email me, direct message me here. I’d LOVE to talk with you and pray with and for you, contact the suicide hotline: there is a chat feature about halfway down the page there.
You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.