TRIGGER WARNING: THERE WILL BE SOME MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL ABUSE.
This is going to be long but raw and real and probably TMI, but as you will soon find out, that’s pretty much just how I am. 😋
For those who have been following me for a while may notice I’m switching gears a little bit. Thank you for your patience as I have been changing things around and as I continue to do so.
As I begin to narrow down this blog’s path a little, I thought it would be best to start from the beginning. This way we can get to know each other better and establish a better foundation of our brand new friendship!
First, I do NOT blame anyone for any course my life has taken.
I was born into a family filled with substance abuse. Both parents drank countless amounts of alcohol, and smoked countless cigarettes and….most likely other things too. The key word here is “countless”, which is defined as literally “too many to count; very many”. God really frowns on this gluttonous behavior for many reasons. For instance, Proverbs 23:20-21 says “Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.” This is not a curse, this is truth. This is God, as our heavenly FATHER, pleading with us to choose wisely. He wants so much more for us than a poor, sad, raggedy clothing-wearing life. He wants to lavish us with blessings, but why should He do that for us if He KNOWS we won’t steward it well?
Knowing where I have come from- from the very beginning of my life here on earth- other family members have told me that they are proud of how I turned out, because the odds were stacked against me. This is not to say I am perfect. HAHA. I am so far from it! I recognize how imperfect I am, which makes me love my Savior, Jesus Christ that much more. Because of Him, I have been able to overcome these negative circumstances and situations that would normally cause unhealthy patterns and choices in my own life. (Example: continuing the drug use problem in the family.)
When two people both have major mental health issues and/or codependent on things like alcohol, narcotics and illegal substances, it creates this perfect equation that will ultimately result in combustion. That marriage definitely combusted, like an atomic bomb, and the aftershocks lasted for over a decade: rehab centers, police reports due to domestic violence, family counseling, step parents floating in and out of our lives, emotional and verbal abuse, multiple moves, living with random people who were kind enough to let us live with them.
Instead of having a carefree childhood, I was waving at one parent as I rode away from a rehab center with the other parent. I was watching those circlular oscillating fans fly through the air down the hall towards its intended target (my parent) as I lie tucked in my bed. Cowering in the hall, peeking around a door frame to watch my step dad slam my mom up against the fridge and choke her as she clawed helplessly at his back. I would be scared to go to sleep because I never felt safe to close my eyes. To make things “better” once a parent even showed up at 6AM to the other parents house and tapped on my bedroom window to try to have me sneak out the window. (I was at the right house at the right time per custody agreement. Still don’t really understand what the heck was going on with all that.) Click here if you need help out of a dangerous home situation.
I mean, the list goes on and on with one crazy incident after another. The gist of the story is that my life has been anything but rainbows and sunshine and I always looked forward to my happily ever after (more on that later). This life that was given to me caused a LOT of anxiety and depression for me. It also taught me a LOT of unhealthy behaviors that I have had to unlearn and replace with appropriate behaviors.
Do YOU struggle with anxiety and/or depression? Do you think you MAY have anxiety or depression or that you have a lot of yucky behaviors you would like to let go of? Are you a mom who grew up with a similar childhood and you feel like you are repeating patterned behaviors learned by your parents? Well girl, am I glad you are here!! You know that God brought you here for such a time as this. Don’t forget to subscribe below! This way, when I make a new post, it will land right into your inbox in a figurative box with a pretty little bow on top!!