Let’s begin with good ol’ Webster. The dictionary. 😉
Merriam Webster dictionary broadly defines codependency as the dependence on the needs of or control by another. This can be another human, or it can be substances such as alcohol, narcotics, recreational drugs
When I was young, I used to say “This parent is addicted to pills, and this one to alcohol, but I’m just addicted to chocolate!!” Wow. What a statement from a kid.
While chocolate is a safer addiction to have, it can still lead to a host of problems. I’m curious-do you have addictions too? What about your phone? Ooof, that one just hit me too. I am definitely addicted to my phone as well.
Okay, so what does addiction have to do with codependency?
Unfortunately quite a bit. You see, when you watch your parents turn constantly towards something to excessively use, you also watch them become stumbling drunk, be put in uncomfortable situations due to their drunkeness or watch them stoned completely out of their mind, fall asleep on the couch, with a cigarette burning in hand. You may have to drag your parents OFF the toilet and to the bed- just so you can pee at 3A.M. Are any of these things healthy for a kid to witness? Of course not! Much less grow up seeing on a regular basis, right?
Though far from normal, this becomes “our normal”, so that is what we look for in our OWN relationships. We take these tendencies we learned from our parents and use them in our own lives. Except maybe instead of becoming addicted to all the substances like our parents, we become addicted to people.
Our parents RELIED on those yucky things to live their lives and get through their days. We rely on OTHERS. How? We want SO BADLY to get everyone’s approval, we do WHATEVER it takes to get it. Codependent people focus on everyone else’s needs without even considering what their own self needs. Sound familiar? I thought I was CRAZY. How could I be so different from everyone else around me? Do I need to be institutionalized? Why don’t I feel like I am even a person? Why can’t I just BE selfish for ONCE?! Then I found a book called, “You’re not Crazy; You’re Codependent! When we suffer with this codependent issue, we find our identity in OTHERS.
Still not sure if you are codependent or not, then go read this.
Are you starting to realize you, too, are codependent? Well, girl, you are NOT alone!! The good news is that you can OVERCOME IT! God wants us to turn to ONE PERSON to find our identity and peace and to be made whole. It’s nobody here on earth. It’s JESUS CHRIST!! John 3:16 “For God so loved the world He gave His ONLY SON that whoever believes in HIM shall not perish but have everlasting life.” Colossians 3:5 “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed.” It is our earthly nature that causes us to feel this sad way, and when we turn to the earth for comfort, we often end up doing the things listed in Colossians. When we are relying on ourselves or OTHER PEOPLE, we are disobeying God. 😬 It’s not because He doesn’t want us to have fun that He makes these rules; it’s because He loves us and doesn’t want us to hurt.
I’m going to list a few verses of how you can begin to identify yourself-as a believer in Christ:
Ephesians 1:4-You are chosen by God
Ephesians 1:5 -You are adopted by God
1 John 3:1 -You are a child of God in His family
Romans 8:28,30 -You are called to accomplish God’s purpose
1 Corinthians 6:11- You are sanctified
Ephesians 1:7 -You are redeemed-bought with Christ’s blood
AND THE FINAL DECLARATION THAT BRINGS IT ALLLL HOME:
Colossians 2:10-You are complete in Christ.
AMEN!!! How good is THAT!!
If you recognize that you need help overcoming Codependency, start with the graphic below. You can always add a Biblical aspect to it!
Put GOD first. Stop and PRAY before you make ANY decision. Is this what GOD WANTS FOR ME? Because God wants you to be okay. He doesn’t want you to hurt and feel like you are nothing. You are most definitely SOMETHING. So much that He sacrificed His son to save us!
Want to know some more Biblical Declarations? This devotional helped to change MY life.
Want some personal interaction? My friend and I are doing the above mentioned devotional LIVE on FB a couple times a week and you can find us over here on our Women Warriors Seeking God page. We would love to get to meet you and pray with and for you!