Once a Victim, Always a Victim?

Hear me out. It’s going to take me a minute to get to my point, but I DO have one!

When you are abused, you ARE a victim. You are NOT at fault. The abuser is the one in the wrong. Just as you and I have a choice to make, so does an abuser- unfortunately, they chose wrong and now you have to suffer.

With that in mind, once you have left the abusive situation, you are in control of you. Yet we still feel like they are, don’t we?

This is a hard shift. It’s taken me YEARS to finally fully understand and grasp that. We all have a choice. Just as your abuser chose to hurt you, whether it’s physically, verbally, emotionally or spiritually, you have the choice to continue to be a victim, or to stand up and battle.

This is AFTER you have left the abusive situation.

PLEASE go to a counselor right off the bat. I’m hoping that if you do, it won’t take you as long to work through things as it has taken me. I’m on year 14 of being out of my abusive situation and I’m still working through my mess. I didn’t start counseling until about a decade after I left my abusive situation! Don’t do as I do. Do as I tell you to do! LOL.

Your scary situation is now in the past and you have moved to a different place and are starting over again. Finding yourself. Adapting to your new environment. The thing is, every sudden sound, certain noises, certain smells and certain situations will trigger you. *THIS IS WHY IT’S IMPERATIVE TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. LEarn how to deal with your triggers in a HEALTHY way!*

You experience this trigger and mentally, you’re back in your abusive situation. There’s no real danger in your new space. You are so safe in your new, calm environment. But the anxiety you feel is all-consuming. You can’t breathe. It’s like the abuser is standing over you.

You’re at work and though your bosses words aren’t mean, his/her tone is telling you that they’re upset. You start to shake and cry. You feel so crazy, stupid and out of control. WHY?!?! Because it’s a trigger. You’re not crazy or stupid. Your mind is still in that fight or flight mode.

Every raised voice, every raised hand, every slammed door or cross word, you are back in that scary situation. It is BEYOND frustrating. I GET IT.

But you don’t have to be. You can choose to fight through the fear of standing up for yourself. If a boss or coworker is treating you like crap, you don’t have to put up with it. Create a boundary. State to that person that you will not engage in a conversation until they calm down and then walk away. Get a new job. Start your own business. There ARE options. You are not forced to continue to work there.

You were once a victim, but now, NOW you are a SURVIVOR. You did the hard thing already. You survived and you left. Now you are safe. A safe survivor. Let go of that victim mindset. Otherwise you will always continue to be a victim in your mind and you won’t get far in your healing journey.

Your story is written by you and God. Don’t let some past abuser continue to live in your head and dictate your life. That’s no way to live. I know it’s hard to get through it. Your whole life you may struggle with triggers, but seeking help from a professional will aide you in your long term goal of living FREE!

If you’d like someone to talk to, feel free to email me at thesparrowmama@gmail.com. I can talk to you as someone who has been there, and is still kinda there. I can also point you in the direction of professionals who can help you out!

Blessings and Love,


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